I shivered it got closer towards me and Lexi I thought it was coming to kill me. Before very long, I started to back up. The huge shadow was getting closer and closer “ I’ll miss you life” Lexi announced as she started walking faster “ Lexi you’re my bestest friend in the world I’m going to miss you” I said sadly. When we stepped once more we stopped it was a dead end “ oh no we’re going to die the shadow got closer and closer and closer. Then suddenly, the shadow disappeared and a murder got closer “ahhhh!”…
Lauren i really like it however i have something i really like and it is "oh no were going to die .
i like yours lauren i like it how the fact you put diffrent opners and how lexi said youre my bestes friend.
Lauren i really like it where you've put 'the huge shadow was gettiong closer and closer and "i'll miss you life"
I like it where you say "i'll miss you life" well done!
We need to leave Jamie! I have seen this man before he is not a nice man. Then the nasty man left the house. We need to run towards the woods and hide. Suddenly the man got close so me and Jamie started to run but I realised he wasn’t alone I seen someone with a knife running to the side of us. Just then, we lost him in the distends but I was still sure that he was still chasing us me and Jamie found a place to hide it was a big bush we hoped in it and we were scared.
Well done Roan i really like how you used suddenly it really makes the piece of writing stand out. Also, i like how you wrote i've seen him before he's not a nice man. However i think you could use some speech marks aswell.
“We should live these intestines” said shay awe he will get us. No said Lucy “then if you want I will” so shay ran a way then a cold hand toucht him. And then he got stab in the on his spin and Lucy was safe but Lucy saw shays body. Then she fainted but she woke up and cold the polis and the hospital. Then they came and Lucy when home and she was sad and they. Found the criminal and he was a cost of murder and he is spending his. Life in prison and Lucy was getting on with her life.
I liked how you used a range of vocabulary it was epic
Next time please don't use the word.......POLIS it is so supposed to be police
Lauren i like your opener before very long and oh no where going to die.
… There was a tall scary man standing right behind me “RUN, RUN” cried Sarah to her other friends. Therefore Sarah and her other friends ran to the trees and hid their for a while. After a while, one of her friends jack decided to see what was going to happen. Then after jack went they all went and followed him. Before very long, there was a strange shadow heading towards Sarah. Sarah ran behind the rusty old gate and crouched down as far as she could. In her head she was thinking I think I’ve seen that man before.
Great work Hannah it's really good i like the bit where you wrote RUN RUN because its really makes the piece of work really good. Also, i like how you wrote in her head i've seen that man before i love it.
Then out of the creepy door stumbled the ugly monster. “AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH” blabbed the monster. Soon, Elle and Lauren screamed and ran in to the spooky dark woods “what shall we do Elle” whispered Lauren .Suddenly the two girls heard a loud noise, Lauren went to scream however Elle put her hand over her mouth and said “ just don’t make a sound and it will be ok”. Eventually, Lauren and Elle started to walk across the cracked path when they heard someone talking. “Yey someone’s coming to save us” shouted Lauren. But was it really someone to save them or was it someone else?
You have good adjectives.
There was a creepy man who had a beard and big teeth. Moreover, Anais yelled “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH” then they ran through the forest like the speed of light. As soon, as the cached up they all split up.so, when they went a different way the huge, grizzly monster went back to the old rusty den. After that, they had a tunnel each and they found each other at the end and Anais and Elle went back to the old, rusty den and saw the monster. Meanwhile, they both had rope in there bag so they wrapped it around there mouth so they did not make a noise.
I really liked the way you used connectives next time try to use ellipses.
You used loads of adjectives and verbs but next time use more adverbs
The dark tall man came running shay ran through the woods but tripped up on something made out of metal he recognised it as a gun he looked at it trying to fiqure out what gun it was it was a type of pistol it was a Russian m911 he looked around the monster was catching up he grabbed the pistol and ran for his life eventualy he came to a miletery camp shay told the solidiers about the monster they had lost some solidiers that were shay got his gun he looked behind him but now there were billions of them he opend fire at them but he got attacked and fell unconscious what will happen next?.....
WOW broke I like yours I love the bit when Jacob said NO IAM NOT GOING TO DIE.
You need some punctuation and especially some full stops and a few wow words and then your work will be amazing!
Come here now shouted the old man John and Jakob ran for there lives Jakob shouted I do not want to die John shouted me to so they ran into the woods to hide but the old man Marc was really fast at running so we needed to find a car. John ran as fast as he could but he fell so Jakob had to run back to help John but old man MARC GOT JOHN BEFORE I COULD JOHN SAID “JUST GO NOW JAKOB” JAKOB SAID “ NO I AM NOT GOING NOT WIT OUT YOU” BUT JOHN GOT…
Wow Brooke! I love your story from what happens next! I especially like how Jakob shouted "I don't want to die" Also, I like "No, I am not going with you" Then it says But John got... I don't think that anything needed improving!!
Next time can you make your sentences shorter and you forgot to use speech marks but it was very good.
“Over there!” shouted Emmy, and her friends Joanne, Zack and Annie ran towards a street filled with houses with smashed windows and cracked roofs. “Looks a bit creepy I think!” mumbled Zack feeling scared. “Zack, it’s really the only place we can hide away from that evil monster with gigantic teeth with blood dripping down it! It’s horrible!” said Emmy. “Guys, I need to tell you something if we’re alive! Shivered Zack.
Eventually, they got out of the creepy house, “So… let’s go home!” smiled Joanne. “Guys.. look behind you!” whispered Annie. An old man crept up behind Zack and Emmy.
I love the part about you describing the smashed windows and the blood dripping and cracked roofs I love it Tam.
This week I wrote 100 word challenges about a comic. The comic is about a man and women who visits a house and see a scary old shabby man. The 100 word challenges said we had to add on from the part of the comic an interpret what happens next in the 100 words. I hope you enjoy. One day there was an old man by a house. That man said why is there 912 police men in the window and there’s 454 police men on the roof. Bailey by the house said on the know we been red handed.
One mysteries night they one boy and girl and they were called john and Lauren they were walking down a street john said we are being watch we need to leave now no said john we can fight him and get him on the ground you run said john and I will hold him of run he said ok said Lauren then john went and start to punch him and kick him but he try to throw a knife at him so john pick it up and throw it in the woods and run away he went to find Lauren.
I really like some of the adverbs you have used but next time you could think about your punctuation however I still enjoyed it.
When I heard a sound I turned on my lamp look someone was there. Then I look again and he was gone.Allana went out into the dark woods “Hellloooww” is any one there than anther strange noise came again. It was only her friend Sophie what are you doing here Sophie said Allana.I heard you call in the forest why did you. I heard a noise so I came to the forest to see what it was.”Ok” .Can you keep quite plz oops sorry. We have got to find what that sound is.What there it is again quick over here.
Hi Sophie I really liked your 100wc, your writing is great. Remember not to use text talk because it gets very complicated. Next time you could use some more description, but apart from that it is amazing.
well done elle what a good story well done
Jason ran as fast as he could Jason could not believe it a man was chasing him away and he was surprised and all he could see was a man that was running after him he looked really scary and it looked like a knife through his back and it might be a man that might be different to us and he might be trying to get us and kill us someone might get killed of him so we better run and he could be dangerous because he looks very bad and he could kid nap us so we might be able to kill us and someone might get kid napped so we better run.
I really like your 100wc well done! Next time try and use more punctuation because your work is only 1 big sentence.
Run faster run faster. lets run in the woods he’s gaining on us he’s coming. Mark has triped up HELP iyle get you he’s on your leg o oh he has a knife get up get quick RUN!!! To the jeep quick drive faster he is on the back stop said the police man sorry said mark crash run we have lost him I think the man stabbed some one we need to go to the air port we need to get out of this mes steel a car steel a car drive the mans following us get out the man grabbeding my leg stab he is dead.
I really like the idea of them running into the woods. Next time you could use more adjectives to describe things better. Remember to use capital letters at the start of sentences,speech marks when someone is speaking and more full stops.
So the man ran to John and James and John said on man can scer me. so James ran in the wood but John did not go so James got John so ran in the wood .Jonh stop dut the man so the cot up . so John and James sand the man go a nift and stad john in the back and james
I like yours tamzin because when it says hide away from the evil monster.
We ran to the scary woods at night Have we lost him “cried Sophie I think so Sophie I think I have just felt something on my back is that you Sophie no off Couse not I thought it was you no why would I scary myself because you are so stupid maybe no any way it felt very wet and very gloopy aw my back hearts so much why what does it felly like. Well it fillies like that I have had a knife in my back look ok oh my god you have had a knife in your back.
I like your adjectives and your different punctuation
Run faster quick come on he’s catching up with us. Shay tripped over “help” he yelled. get up!!!! Marc and shay ran in to a forest at the back of the forest there was a hut. marc and shay hid in the old crooked hut stamp as the man walked in to the hut. ”I no your in hear”said the man.Shay found a knife the man ternd away .Shay sneaked behind the man and powe the knife went straight through the man’s back blood sqerted out the back marc was so sceard I picked up the pistol and shot the zombies.
Should we leave this house Jamie when the spooky scary door we have been seen by this house by this house suddenly someone have seen has the door this man is chasing us we ran in the forest when we stopped me and Jamie the man was hidden the the forest we have found that man he had a knife in his hand he killed Jamie now I have the knife now!!!
Here was a sound “ooooo” screamed a ghost go or it will be off your head “run!” shouted Jake to Lowey. “Go” exclaimed the ghost Lowey went and Jake the ghost was called Gillian and Jake realise that Gillian was his grandma “hi grandma Gillian” “hi Jake how is your big sisters.” “There are fine.”
WOW! brooke i really like your work today. what i like is come here now shouted the old man john and jakob shouted i do not want to die john shouted me to so they ran into the woods to hide but the old man Marc was really fast at running so we needed to find a car.
The man, who looked very scary, came out the house and crept towards John and Ruby “we need to leave right NOW!” John and Ruby started to run down the street and into the dark gloomy forest. They got to the forest and stop’t “have we lost him “said Ruby, they looked around and John felt a cold big hand on his shoulder… scary man said “what do you want” seconds later John saw a knife at his back… John fell to the ground “NOOOOOOOOOO” said Ruby, running away in tears and went to hide someway safe.
Suddenly a spooky old crooked man appeared out of the rust dusted window. `Why is he staring at us Hayden!’ screamed Arundeep. However, that thing had already ran out the therefore they zoomed over into a dark creepy grave yard to hide. Meanwhile that murderer smelt Hayden as well as Arundeep so he noticed they were in the grave yard. `Right I’ve got to stay here you go over there…` and then Hayden got stabbed so Arundeep ran away and never ever came back.
I really liked your piece of writing. You have used some good connectives.Next time you could use some more suspense and use some more adjectives.Remember read your work before you submit it.
Jamie I liked how you started your 100wc with suddenly it's a good opener
Next time you could use because
I liked it were you described the house saying it was rusty and rotton.
Next time you could use more commas.
Abby took a step back away from the house of terror.
“Oh don’t be a baby it can’t be that bad!” Amber yelled as she turned around.
Abby tried to warn amber in every possible way that there was a man creeping up on her. Without warning, a wounded hand touched Ambers shoulder. “W-w-what is touching my shoulder?” Amber asked. Sadly, Abby was so worried she fainted to the ground! “ABBY PLEASE TALK TO ME PLEASE!” Amber screamed for her friend to talk. However there was no answer.
“Oh do you want your friend back?” a voice whispered in
As John stepped back, the end of the cliff fell in to a swiftly flowing deep river and John fell with it. “HELP!” he screamed. The only thing keeping him up was a piece of rope however, his hand started to slip. “JOHN!” Yelled Samantha, “Hold on!” She went on her front, reached down as far as possible but it was too late as a knife cut through his shoulder, his hand let go and he slipped away in to the river. Samantha could hear a creepy voice she stood up and looked around and there stood a terrifying figure…
“I’m here” Abbey screamed as Louis ran over to her “are you all right Abbey “Abbey jumped up and whispered “yep I’m fine”. Suddenly, a huge green ugly zombie with blood squirting out of its dead body “RUN ABBEY!” yelled Louis as they both sprinted along the blood covered path Abbey flew over the zombie infested house “just hang on and don’t let go of my legs or those zombie will get you “yelled Abbey “ur…ok” yelled Louis.
The ugly man was cashing James and Lauren they went in to the woods and he stoped and looked around him and seaid have we lost him and the someone touched his back he screemed like a girl also then he got a knife and stabed him then he was really hurt then he had to go to hospittle another thing they ascaped from the woods and the scarry man that was good.
Nice work Shane! by the way why is my name in it? I like the part that says the ugly man was crashing it's really good. Also, I like the bit about stabbing. However, I think you could use some speech marks.
All of a sudden john and jezebel saw him he stated to shout at them but they hid so he couldn’t see them however john said “I know him he’s my dad’s arch enemy” we nether really liked each other “look in that window” said jezebel he’s spying on us however the door opened with a slow creek then all of a sudden he stepped out of the house and then shouted our name’s we didn’t answer so he started to run to the tree were we was so trie to run away but then his mysterious gate’s shut there was no were out so we jumped over the gate and to our house were we was safe.
“OH NO IT CAN’T BE!” yelled Jasper from the back of his throat as he took two steps back in to the gloomy bushes of the frightening wood. “WE BETTER MAKE A RUN FOR IT!”
“Who was that Jasper?” asked Neil with a frightened gasp. “Who was that?”
“That was BOM BAR BUS” replied Jasper. “BOM BAR BUS.”
“What? You have never heard of BOM BAR BUS he’s most dreadful man in the whole entire
“Yes he is!”
The pair of them ran out of energy with a stich in the side of their hips.
I really like your wow words though you shouldn't use as much speech.
I really enjoyed reading your 100WC.
Thank you to the Year 6 children from Brandon for your feedback.
Welcome to Year 5's blog at Tanfield Lea Community Primary School, a primary school in County Durham who want to broaden our horizons and to show the world what we have to offer. Our September topic will be 'The Normans', looking at the history of the Norman periods and what we can learn about that time period using primary and secondary sources.Our literacy will be based on the book 'Goodnight Mr Tom' by Michelle Magorian which takes place during the Second World War.
Curriculum: E Safety
Curriculum: Global Awareness
Curriculum: Pupil Personal Webpages
Curriculum Using Ipads In Education
Pupil: Jamie M
Pupil: Jamie T
Pupil: Shay C
Pupil: Shay D
Topic The Wreck Of The Zanzibar